Christmas Memories

Darling,

Christmas is coming, but I feel so alone. My heart is empty and feels numb. It's been so long since I held you in my arms that I fear I've forgotten what it's like to hold you. To feel so empty. You're razor is still in the bathroom with your after shave next to it. Your clocks fight to stay running though Jimmy winds them weekly. Your clock shops are still the way you've left them, waiting for you to come back and finish the work still left undone. Your clothes are in the closet, your shoes still under the bed, the dresser left full of all your socks. Your voice floods the house every time someone calls, and your presence is still felt. Tears still fall on your face every time I cry, and my eyes still tear up at the sight of Christmas cards with your handwritten love. Coca still waits by the door everyday while Buddy Boo still hunts for you. Sometimes I find that even I'm looking for you. I hear your voice and run to find that you aren't here. I look in the basement, the attic, out n the garage, but full apart and cry when I realize that you have left me here all alone. I find myself watching Law and Order just to feel close to you, but instead, I feel dead inside. I play the announcement on the answering machine day after day, but find that I've lost you forever until we are reborn in Heaven.